Five Filipino toxic remarks you hear at family reunions

How do family reunions meant for bonding sometimes leave us feeling uneasy? Why do conversations meant to celebrate togetherness occasionally turn uncomfortable? Family reunions are some of the most anticipated events for Filipino families. Whether it’s a birthday, fiesta, or Christmas gathering, these occasions are times to catch up, share food, and rekindle connections with relatives. However, these gatherings aren’t always filled with joyful laughter and happy stories. In many cases, some familiar, often dreaded, phrases make their way into the conversation, bringing a mix of humor and discomfort. Here are 5 Filipino toxic remarks you’re likely to hear at a family reunion that might make you squirm a little.

Weight comments

Weight comments are unavoidable in Filipino reunions. Whether you've gained or lost weight, someone will point it out. Remarks like “Tumataba ka yata?” (Looks like you’re gaining weight) or “Pumapayat ka yata” (You’re looking thinner) can make anyone self-conscious. These comments often come from a place of concern or jest, but they can feel intrusive and body-shaming.

Comparisons to relatives

The comparison game is a classic source of discomfort. Hearing “Buti pa ‘yung pinsan mo, may promotion na” (Your cousin already got promoted, good for them) subtly implies that you’re lagging behind. These comparisons can make someone feel inadequate, as if their achievements don’t measure up. This kind of comment adds unnecessary pressure and can dampen the festive spirit, turning the conversation into a silent competition.

Questions about your love life

If you’re single, brace yourself for questions like “Bakit wala kang kasama? Single ka pa rin?” (Why are you alone? Still single?) or “Kailan mo ipapakilala si Mr./Ms. Right?” (When will you introduce Mr./Ms. Right?). These are staples in any family reunion and often delivered with a mix of teasing and genuine curiosity. For those who are happy being single or are going through personal struggles, this comment can be particularly irksome.

Financial and Life Stability Questions

Comments about finances and life stability are common conversation starters that can feel like subtle judgments. Questions like “Nag-iipon ka ba? Dapat nag-iipon ka na” (Are you saving money? You should be) may come off as advice but often feel like an evaluation of one’s life choices. For those still navigating their career or figuring out their path, remarks like “Ang tanda mo na, hindi ka pa rin settled” (You’re getting old, but you’re still not settled) can amplify feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

Worst Filipino toxic remark is about life goals

Hearing “Bakit parang hindi mo na-achieve ‘yung pangarap mo?” (Why does it seem like you haven’t achieved your dreams?) can sting, especially during what’s supposed to be a celebratory time. This is one of the most hurtful Filipino toxic remarks that can trigger feelings of disappointment and self-doubt, overshadowing the joy of the gathering.

While Filipino reunions, whether during Christmas or other occasions, are meant to be heartwarming, it’s essential to be mindful of the impact certain remarks can have on others. If you are truly concerned, politely ask the person if it is okay to inquire about life updates. It’s best when certain topics are openly brought up by the individual themselves. Being considerate of each other’s feelings can help ensure these gatherings remain happy and meaningful for everyone.

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. - George Eliot

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